SPARKLEPONY! Star Search

 SPARKLEPONY! is searching for our first celebrity* endorsement.  If you were some level of celebrity in the 1980s or 1990s and are ready for a comeback** we are ready for you. If you had drug/alcohol/psychological problems in the past, but are clean and recovered*** now we want you.  America loves a tale of redemption.  Have you ever wanted to tell the world your story, but found that writing it down requires too much effort and an attention span that you are lacking.  We have an editor**** to help you with your memoirs.  Your book will follow the following format: 1) you are the celebrity that was in insert show/movie/band here. 2) After your fall from fame you took a nose dive into insert drug/alcohol/psychological issue here. 3) You hit rock bottom. 4) You discovered the healing powers of SPARKLEPONY! and it raised you up and led you to your best life ever. 5) The End= Buy more SPARKLEPONY!

Are you afraid that you don't have enough excitement in your past to sell your memoirs?  Don't worry.  James Frey has shown us that a memoir doesn't have to be true.  The only reason that Oprah berated him on television is that he wasn't a celebrity before her endorsement of his book.  Since you were a celebrity in the past, you will only see the softest of softball questions.  If they have a doctor or scientific authority to counterpoint your/SPARKLEPONY!'s claims it will be from the audience.  The doctor/scientific authority will be forced to raise his hand to speak, where you will have a microphone on you from the stage.  Just be prepared to smile a lot and say things like, "SPARKLEPONY! saved my life."
ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR COMEBACK? IF SO, BE READY TO SMILE AND SAY "I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Martin."***** Remember to be a celebrity spokesman for SPARKLEPONY! you don't have to use SPARKLEPONY! you just have to say you do.

*-"celebrity" can be read "has been."

TRY SPARKLEPONY!

**-This "comeback" will be restricted to appearing on daytime talk shows and late night infomercials promoting your new book on healthy living, which focuses greatly on SPARKLEPONY!
***-You don't actually have to be clean and sober, but have to be able to realistically present yourself as such on said daytime talk shows.
****-"editor" should read "ghostwriter"
*****-Cliff Martin, the cameraman on Dr. Phil.